dustbunny105: (Default)
The realization that something you used to love and look forward to is no longer worth the disappointment it brings can be both freeing and deeply saddening. The latter more than the former, perhaps. Acknowledging that it's time to let go lifted a weight off my shoulders but now it's heavy at my feet, holding me still. I've thought of this series as my One True for so long, with more certainty than any other before it, I can hardly imagine moving forward.
dustbunny105: (Default)
I'm. Falling rapidly out of love with my current main fandom's canon. Like I'm getting flashbacks to Naruto, marching on well past the point that I was enjoying it because I was chasing after the happy satisfaction it used to give me. And sometimes it would! There'd be a diamond glimmering in the rough and I would latch onto it like it was the ultimate proof that things were about to hit paydirt. Every. Single. Time. I weathered disappointment after disappointment and I only finally let go because I forgot to check for an update after a hiatus and then couldn't be bothered to go back.

MtMtE is what's doing it to me now. It hasn't fallen to quite the low that Naruto did, but it's falling fast. The thing is that for a while there it made me happier than Naruto ever did, so the downturn feels that much more dramatic. Also, whereas Naruto just seemed to get further and further away from what I liked, MtMtE has been running roughshod over specific elements I once enjoyed and looked forward to seeing explored. Like it's to the point where I'm embarrassed to have recommended it to people, because what I was recommending it for has been tainted. There's also the added stress that this series is a big part of what got me back into the Transformers franchise, and I'm in deep across a few branches now but I still always come back to this universe.

I dunno, I was gonna do a whole big rant about this but I can't even be bothered, lol. I'm sticking it out for the end of this arc, I think, and after that, I guess I'll see where it stands.
dustbunny105: (Default)

I was digging through my Photobucket account for the first time in years and stumbled across a bunch of tacky or just not-good banners and such that I did way back when I was trying to get a Naruto fanzine going. Among the such in question, I found several images of the first cover (in various states of completion) and the wallpaper I made from it. I. I gotta be honest with you here, I've romanticized this image in my mind for years now. "I'm sure it wasn't perfect," I'd say to myself, "but I remember it coming out looking really good!"

You guys:

three images under the cut )

Like I did the absolute least with Sakura's ribbon and shirt, it's so obvious that I did Ino's shirt and both their hair in colored pencil and then scanned (why???), the noise effect on the flower field, omg, the super obvious divide between the field and the real life photo of the sky I used on the wallpaper, that border effect on the "sky" in the first image... My younger self so embarrassing :,D She tried hard, though, I'll give her that.
dustbunny105: (Default)
dustbunny105: (Default)
I enjoy a well-done character death as much as the next person. I firmly believe death can be the right choice for a character and for a story. I firmly believe satisfying deaths of characters at peace and tragic deaths of characters gone before their time and deaths all along that spectrum can serve a purpose and benefit a narrative. I also firmly believe that a death scene can be well-written and emotionally impacting but still be ill-placed within a narrative. I also firmly believe that a narrative can fail to earn a poignant death scene and that can grind the pieces of a heart broken for a character into a fine dusting of resentment.

Honestly, completely honestly, I'm not a fan of character death in general. I stand by everything I said above about it sometimes being the right choice, I have enjoyed character death in the past and I'm sure I will in the future. But as I've grown older, I've also grown tired of the idea that potential deaths are the only stakes that matter in a story of action and danger. I reject the notion that only the possibility of characters dying-- heroically, cowering, peacefully, bitterly-- make a story worth its weight. I more vehemently reject the notion that "meaningless" character deaths-- that is, deaths that defy narrative satisfaction to make a point; ignoble deaths of noble characters because that's the life they (we) live-- are necessarily superior to meaningful deaths as storytelling devices. I acknowledge that some people best connect to works where there is a healthy and honest fear of certain characters dying and of those characters going out with a whimper and I'll acknowledge that such deaths, such stories, have their place. But I am so, so tired of seeing these ideas thrown around like objective criticisms.

Stories exist beyond their casualties. Knowing a character will come out alive doesn't equate with knowing they'll come out okay. For a character who survives a tragedy, there are more stories to tell. Knowing a character will come out alive doesn't equate to knowing how they'll manage it. There is a story in their survival itself. I've seen people say that stories about characters surviving every bad situation they come across are contrived and they certainly can be. But if your reason for why a character has to die is that you can't imagine how they'd survive, maybe it's your imagination that's the problem.

If a narrative is one of adventure and exploration and friendship and hope, I'm not saying meaningless deaths or unsatisfying deaths don't have a place. They can be all the more impacting in such a setting, a sobering reminder of what these characters signed on for and what kind of life they're really leading. They can be painful and poignant, they can inspire discussion, they avoid the trap of glorifying death especially in war. They have story possibilities of their own, not only for the character who dies but for the characters who live on. But is such a narrative necessarily better served by such a death? In a story about being abandoned into seemingly hopeless circumstances, in a story about rallying against expectations of giving in to despair, in a story about friends closing ranks to help each other survive, is the narrative really best served by a character putting himself on the line for even a slim chance it will save the people he loves and then dying in the throes of self-loathing, dying with the belief that all the good he's done-- in this moment and before-- isn't enough to make up for having years ago had good intentions manipulated against him? Is this narrative best served by a character robbed of the chance to come to terms with his grief and guilt, robbed of the peace he's earned throughout the story?

Maybe. In spite of my personal preferences, I can at least say maybe. Maybe that death in that narrative is a point all on its own. Certainly such a death in such a narrative can work. Certainly such a death in such a narrative moved me, choked me up, made me feel. Possibly-- not likely, given my preferences, but possibly-- this story wouldn't mean as much to me in the end without this death. But it also disappointed me. Not in the sense that I'm sad to see this character go, even though I am. Not in the sense that I hoped to see him make peace with his past, even though I did. I could get beyond those points, after a fashion, and I could enjoy this death for the tragedy it is even if it isn't how I'd liked to have seen the story go. But when that death is the price paid for a story arc where characters make poor choices not because it suits their personalities and motivations, not because those poor choices are still the best choices they have, but because the plot demands it? When that death is the price paid for circumstances contrived around the narrative instead of the narrative being woven to fit its circumstances? No. This isn't the disappointment of losing a character I love in a horrible way. It's the disappointment of losing a character I love to a story that doesn't deserve his death.
dustbunny105: (Default)
I can honestly say I didn't expect to get as into Tumblr as I have. It's just so quick and simple, perfect for a lazybody like me. Still blows my mind and hurts my heart to realize how little attention I've spared for DW and LJ, though.

Anyway, my primary motivation in posting today is for yet another sad pet update. Our snake, Isis, died last week and today I said goodbye to two of my kitties-- Chuckles and Storm Cloud, specifically-- as I sent them on their way to a new home because our new place has a limit of two free-roaming pets. On the bright side, their new slave is a lady I work with and who I trust to look after them well.

For those keeping track, I'm down to just two cats. It is... indescribably empty-feeling without more animals around.
dustbunny105: (Default)
I hate moving even more than I realized I did. Did I mention that I was moving? Well, a move happened, is my point. Our landlady decided she finally wanted to take care of all the necessary repairs that have been building up over the years, which are so extensive that she couldn't have tenants in residence at the time. So, we now have a cramped and drab but decent apartment.

The major downfall? No internet. Turns out our old provider doesn't service the area with anything more than light service, which doesn't support online gaming and a few other things. The main provider is Comcast, but when my mom called them, they said that we still owe almost two hundred bucks from our last account in 2009. So that will need to be ironed out before we can get service with them. I'm at the library now with Hal, which wouldn't be so bad except that, as I believe I've mentioned at some point or another, Hal's screen needs to be propped up due to damages that I can't afford to have fixed and my battery is pretty much done for, necessitating an outside power source and thus limited my choice of seating. Oh, woe is me.

Anyhow, that's where I stand at present. How are you, flist?


Dec. 1st, 2013 11:24 pm
dustbunny105: (Default)




dustbunny105: (Default)
I feel like I haven't posted in a long time, but maybe that's just a testament to how long I can go before craving the sound of my own voice (figuratively speak, obviously). As is my usual, I have nothing particular or interesting to say, so I'll just present some miscellany for consideration.

First of all, because I don't think I've mentioned it before, I am now down to three cats. Surrey went missing on the fourth or fifth of July (we can't quite agree when she was last seen). On the bright side, she's chipped, so in the event that she makes her way to a shelter, we'll get a call. In the meantime, I just hope she's safe and happy wherever she is.

That said and out of the way, I have decided that the bulk of this post will be dedicated to me whining about work. I hate it. And, I mean, usually when I say I hate something, I'm being overly dramatic. I'm certainly overreacting. But, no. I Hate. Working. At Walmart. I legitimately dreamed of burning my store down and salting the earth, and I was legitimately disappointed to wake up.

Like, okay, I've actually been getting pretty decent hours as of late and the trend looks to be continuing over the next couple weeks. Yay for that. Does this increase in time show in the state of my department at the end of the day? Not typically, no, because I'm not spending that time on the floor. Many days, I spend a third or even half of my shift working the front end. Why? Because we're down a good number of our cashiers lately and the cashiers we do have get shafted on hours. It's cheaper to pull register-trained people off the floor than it is to hire more cashiers and schedule them reasonably.

As if that wasn't enough, two people in apparel have been fired within the last week or so. That means the apparel schedule is going to show us as having two more people than we do for about the next three weeks. The reason for the firings I've heard third-hand is attendance issues, and if that's true, I am so pissed off that my teeth ache. One of the women fired was a new hire, only around for about two weeks; the other was a good worker who made a mistake with her schedule and ended up a no-call, no-show for one day. And someone decided they were both better off fired than just scolded? Just as we're getting into the back-to-school rush? For the love of criminy, this weekend is Tennessee's tax holiday! Most of the apparel departments are going to be strewn across the freaking floor, and we're down by two people? Our zone manager insisted that we're properly manned for the weekend, but I know for a fact that three of us remaining aren't there today, so I don't have high hopes for the next two days.

Speaking of the next two days-- through gritted teeth, rest assured-- if I don't kill anyone, I think I should get a parade. A full-on parade, with balloons and floats and candy and musical acts of my choice. I've been scheduled a four to midnight shift for both days, and I have no doubt that I'll be spending much of those shifts running a register. I hung around until midnight last night so I could pick up some things while they lasted-- and, man, was it ever crowded with people trying to avoid the crowds. I heard about half of the night shift paged up to open registers, and that was just for the people willing to be at Walmart at midnight for back-to-school shopping. And on top of the tax holiday, it's the beginning of the month, so people on food benefits will be coming out to get their grocery shopping done. Even just thinking of how crowded it's gonna be, and how hot and stuffy, and what a mess... Yeah, I want a parade. Thankfully, I'm off on Monday, so my intention is to clock out, come home and sleep until Tuesday.

So, uh. I ended up being a lot more negative than I originally intended when deciding to make a post. To finish off on a high notes, my collection of office supplies that I don't actually need has been padded out the wazoo \o/
dustbunny105: (Default)
I was so anxious waiting for my brother to pick me up, I can't even tell you. We ended up going quite a bit later than expected because stuff came up on his end and my stomach was rolling while I waited. I tried to distract myself with the internet and couldn't sit still long enough. Anyway, despite my worries about going in the afternoon, I was in and out pretty quickly.

Gotta say, much as my vote isn't going to count for snot around these parts, I feel calmer. I seriously muttered, "Magic, do as you will," as I finished casting my ballot. I'll probably be twitching all through work, though at least I get off early enough that I shouldn't miss much, if any, of the results coverage.

Please, America, please don't let me down!

Bad news

Feb. 14th, 2012 11:24 pm
dustbunny105: (Default)
I was originally planning on making a post to wish everyone a Happy SAD as is my usual, but I then I noticed my hamster is dead. He was fine this morning, and through good chunks of the day, so and no one is sure when it happened. I'm not sure what happened; he was fed and watered and clean and healthy, and it wasn't any colder today than it's been. I haven't noticed any signs of illness, nor have my family. I... don't know. I really don't.

Gonna bury him tomorrow because I am just not in the mood to go and cry in forty-four degrees. Will change icon later.


dustbunny105: (Default)

October 2017

89 10 11 121314


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 24th, 2017 06:01 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios