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[Image: A personalized to-do list bingo card, mostly filled in. The first two columns, the second to top row and the left to right diagonal are completed.]

I came so close to blacking out my bingo card this month, ugh. I let myself lose momentum in the second half, or else I might've done it. Heck, I even nearly finally hit my Submit to a Magazine square... Ah, well, I'll try to let it pump me up for next month!

As for the squares I've hit since my first bingo earlier this month:

Write Daily )

Write Whrung )

Fix Tags )

Work on Big Thing )

Try a New Recipe )

Work on Vampire Thing )

Honorable mentions for Draw Otters Weekly and Improve Spanish. I came really close with the otters, but dropped the ball this past week. Next time for sure! I also did practice Spanish, but I've been lax on practicing for long enough now that I ended up falling behind where I'd been. I do feel like I've made steps toward correcting this, but I don't feel right marking the square when I don't feel properly improved, y'know?
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So, I may have shot myself in the foot with Femslash February.

I mentioned before in my bingo posts that I decided not to do something every day this year, as I have the past... three, I think? I'm going with three. Though I'm pretty sure it was only the last two that I wrote a new fic every day... Anyway. What I did decide to do this year is write and post something specifically for the event every week.

Now, I had no particular plan beyond that. After posting my first weekly fic and beyond, I had no idea. On the day I was meant to post the second fic, I had no idea. Would I post a different ship each week, all in different fandoms? A different ship each week but all from the same fandom? Or maybe just the same universe? Would I do something entirely new each time or do a mix of new stuff and stuff from my WIPs? No idea. So, on the day itself, I set myself to work on some femslash WIPs and also considered some ideas for a new fic. What I ended up doing is possibly the one thing I was certain that I wasn't going to do: I wrote a new fic for the same ship I'd written and posted the week before.

The thing about me is, I get caught up in patterns. And lack thereof. Either things have to be in order or there has to be a precedent for chaos (what an acceptable precedent is exactly depends on the circumstances surrounding it). Last year for Femslash February, I ended up writing a few fics I hadn't intended or even especially wanted to-- not that I regret what I came up with, mind-- because I couldn't, couldn't stand the thought of having repeats of just one fandom or just one character. During Naruto Yuri Week a couple-few years ago, I had a personal hissy fit when connectivity issues delayed me just long enough that my posting skipped a single day. I still can't stand to see all the fics lined up on my Tumblr because of the date mark.  I've been nauseated by the possibility of having the same thing happen again-- and, I'll admit it, sometimes I post "place-holders" when I'm having trouble so that the date is still correct whenever I can post properly. The bad feelings don't typically linger longer than a day-- recurrences aside-- and don't send me spiraling into any especially destructive behaviors, but they're intense while they last and I feel them all over me. So setting myself up like this? Not a great move on my part.

Granted, on the surface, it's not that hard of a hit. The second week was always going to lock me into a decision. Different fandom? That was gonna be my pattern. Different ship in the same fandom or universe? That was gonna be my pattern. By itself, settling into a "same ship each week" pattern isn't that big of a deal. And, heck, I still have some leeway. I can't do two different ships or fandoms for the next two weeks, but I have the option of doing a different ship and/or fandom for both of those two weeks than for the last two.

My problem comes with the ship itself. Anode/Lug-- or Anolug-- from IDW's Transformers title Lost Light. The characters were only introduced two issues ago but I love them both and I'm sailing into the sunset on this ship. There are a few reasons why I jumped so eagerly aboard, but my course is definitely informed at this point by spite. There's a theory going around, a distressingly plausible theory, that one of the characters doesn't actually exist. People have pointed out that no one but her partner ever addresses her directly and the one time her partner addresses her directly in front of someone, that someone responds as though she spoke to him; plot movement-wise, every scene she's in works perfectly well without her. The next issue looks like it might be set to confirm one way or the other.

This is where my feelings and my thoughts get snarled. As I said, this is a ship I'm very fond of. There's a big part of me that wants to write them for as long as canon's good for it. But while I'm writing every day, I've set myself into the pattern this month of only posting finished fics on my main accounts for Femslash February. If I'm going to write and post for it before canon shoots a canonball through it, therefore, it's going to be for Femslash February. Thus, again, one fic per week. The new issue of the comic is due to come out on the twenty-second of this month, the day after I'd post the third fic. And there's no indication of the delays that habitually plague this title because of freaking course there freaking isn't.

Still, on the surface, not that much of a problem. It'd hardly be the first non-canon ship I've sailed well beyond its compatibility with canon. See also: Most of my Naruto and Harry Potter ships, for starters. Except. Notice how I said I'm sailing this ship into the sunset, not that I'll go down with it? That's because I'm not sure I will-- can-- go down with it. If the Not Real theory is correct, how it's handled (is she a grief-projected play of Dead All Along? Is she a purely imaginary friend?) might very well send me hurtling overboard. Some ships, canon can legitimately ruin for me and no amount of Canon Discontinuity will fix them in my mind. It doesn't happen often, in the grand scheme of things, and even I'm not one hundred percent sure of what elements hit those buttons in my brain. But I can feel the fingers of canon hovering over those buttons in this case. Which means that if I post a third Anolug fic for the third week of FemFeb and then the new issue sinks the ship, I'm left floundering for the next week.

Of course, I can still commit myself to a different ship for the next two weeks instead. But if the new issue doesn't ruin my ship, I'm likely going to feel the disappointment of changing ships without strict need very keenly. On top of that, I'm just not feeling any other ship right now in a "produce content for two consecutive weeks" way. And then topping it off, I do already have an idea for another Anolug fic that I'm actually looking forward to writing... Time will tell, I suppose.
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[Image: A personalized to-do list bingo card, several squares marked. The right-to-left diagonal line is complete]

I was bound and determined to get an early bingo this month, since I got one last February. I would've liked to get one as early as I did then, too, and I actually came really close! Only I messed up when I made my card, leaving off a couple squares I meant to include, and only noticed when I was half through the line I was working on. I really, really wanted those squares, though, so I grit my teeth and made a new card. It ended up not screwing me over too bad and I was one square away... when I realized I'd still left out a square I really wanted. Really, really wanted. So I (*silentragescream*) made another new card. Which is this one, which I just finished today! So, y'know, frustrating, but I still got a bingo at the halfway point :D

Now, without further ado-- the marks!

Write a New Ship )

Write Femslash )

Read Comics )

Read a Book )

Finish Something )

Three Squares in a Week )

Learn a New Stitch )

Practice Knitting )

Do a Craft )

Work on WIPs )

Lol, aaand I just realized I killed my Practice Crochet square when I last redid my card. Wow, what a mess this month has been! Y'know, something I forgot to mention is that I somehow ended up with two cards at once before this one and wasn't sure which I liked best, so I was marking both to see what gave me a bingo first. Cheating? Maybe, Idek. I got within one square of a line on both of them before realizing that both of them were missing squares I wanted! I never thought I'd need to proofread a to-do list so closely... Whatever, I'm not changing it again now that I got my bingo XD
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Ahaha, man, I feel ridiculous.

Okay, so. DC Comics Bombshells is an AU/AH title based off a line of collectors' statues, which is based in turn off of a series of retro-styled pinup prints. It features a number of DC heroines and villainesses in an alternate 40s setting. It's got some fun world-building and character design, shines a new light on its version of the female characters by having them predate or even uproot their male counterparts and features a number of f/f relationships. I've been meaning to check it out for ages and finally got around to ordering the first two trades a few weeks ago. Today, I finally got around to sitting down to read them.

Now, I was aware that one of the main romantic relationships in the title is a take on one that broke up two of my preferred ships in the main DC universe. Tbh, that's part of what kept me from giving in sooner. But I still loved the look of what was going on and I'm a fan of the writer, so I dragged myself over it. Besides, I figured, my understanding was that the ship in question doesn't pop up for a little while; probably I could get into the story enough to overlook it. Or, hey, maybe the fact that it's an AU would let me accept it without issue.

Yeah... no. No, the ship does not take its time in showing up-- it's there in the first dozen pages. And, no, the whole AU thing does not wash the bitter taste out of my mouth. For all that I was loving what I was seeing up until then-- for all that I can appreciate what I was seeing even then-- I had to put the book down.

I'm still gonna read it, don't get me wrong. And I still think I'm going to enjoy it. I just am having a stronger than expected negative response to this specific point and, you guys, is my face ever red for it...
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I have such mixed feelings about the infamous Revolving Door of Death in comics.

On the one hand, yeah, it can make character death feel cheap. It doesn't stop me from enjoying a well-written death for what it is both in and out of context, but it does limit what my brain accepts as a well-written death. And, honestly, even a well-written resurrection or alive-all-along reveal can sometimes end up landing in the realm of, "yep," or, "wondered when that was coming."

But then on the other hand-- some deaths are just not good. Some deaths are cheap in and of themselves. They may rely on poor characterization. They may use a character to make a point that didn't need to be made, or was made badly. They may sacrifice a character for the sake of another character, never mind that first character's own arc. They may give a character a dramatic last stand that doesn't actually make sense under two seconds of scrutiny. They may reduce lower-tier characters to canon fodder because we need to know the stakes are dire but we also need our big names standing tall at the end of the day. They may be outright insulting to the characters they claim and if we're talking about the C-list or below? Yeah, those characters probably aren't going to get a do-over.

So when people roll their eyes or groan over characters coming back-- or being replaced by clones or by alternate universe counterparts, which is something else altogether-- or say they'll drop a title or lose respect for a creator over the same, I get it. Resurrection is a gimmick and can feel all kinds of cheap even when it's written into the fabric of the universe. But when I see a chance for a character to come back from pain and humiliation that the story contextualizing their death didn't justify to me? Even if the circumstances of their return don't push my narrative buttons? You're not gonna see my feelings hurt.
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A video game I've always wanted, and which I'd like to learn to code myself, is one in which you play a raindrop on a window. The object would be to reach the bottom of the window before being spread too thin to keep falling. You'd join with other drops to replenish your weight and navigate obstacles like leaves stuck to the window. There would be different stages with different types of windows-- windshields and other car windows, different style panes on houses, stained glass. The windshield stage would be a timed trial, trying to reach the bottom before the wipers come on.

I'm not going anywhere with this, really, just thinking out loud. I'd really like to learn how to code this as maybe a cell phone game. Though Idk who would play it aside from me and maybe [livejournal.com profile] kalliel, lol.
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[Image: A personalized to-do list bingo card, unmarked]

Nearly forgot to post this month's card!

Last year, February was my earliest bingo (less than halfway into the month!) and I'd love to pull that off again. It's not gonna be so easy this time, though. Last time, I loaded the card by about half with ships I intended to write for Femslash February and a lot of those squares accounted for my bingo. I forewent loading the card like that this year because I'm not going to be hitting FemFeb as hard as I have the last few years. That is to say, I'm not turning one hundred percent of my focus on femslash for the month. I've had several non-femslash writing projects I've procrastinated on for months now and I'd rather not lock myself in. I'm still intending to do something (hence my Write Femslash square) but it's not gonna dominate my creative process. I hope, anyway...


Jan. 31st, 2017 09:04 pm
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[Image: A personalized to-do list bingo card. Several squares are marked and the middle column is complete]

So, it occurs to me as I sit and type this that I could've posted my bingo days ago. I'm just so used to posting at the end of the month now, I guess. Holy self-defeatism, Batman... This actually drives home something I've been thinking about lately, namely that I've fallen into the habit of ignoring the card until the last half-- or less-- of the month. The increased urge to get stuff done that the realization grants me is good, don't get me wrong. Before, I would realize I hadn't accomplished anything for the better part of a month, mean to accomplish stuff and then... not. But cramming a few accomplishments into a week or two isn't really in the spirit of the cards, as I see them. The main problem, I think, is that as I've gotten used to them, they've fallen in line with my long-standing "out of sight, out of mind" issues. I'm considering, for the next card, pinning a physical recreation somewhere I'll see it often, so I won't drift away from the thought of it. I've got a dry erase board around here someplace, might put that to use.

As for this card! Missed some of my more coveted squares again and I wanna go ahead and address some of them now and get it done with, so I've got room to finish on a positive note. The squares I'm most bummed about missing are Practice Spanish Daily, Draw Otter Weekly and Sumbit to a Magazine, so I'm gonna just touch on those.

I am so annoyed with my lack of progress in Spanish. I've hardly touched it at all this whole month, only bothering to do any practicing the last few days. And that's after spending two days wallowing in the fact that I hadn't done anything yet. I'm reconsidering the wording on this square, tbh. For all that I've had pretty good luck with my other "daily" task (Write Every Day), I find that messing up on the Spanish propels me headlong into a grey zone between misery and apathy. I may change this one to some set amount of progress going forward and see how that does me.

The Otters square, I'm not sure what I'll do. I have drawn otters this month-- heck, I think I've drawn more otters than I did last time I actually marked the square-- but I drew them all in the last two weeks. This comes back to the "out of sight, out of mind" thing again. That and my listless, floating relationship with time. I had supplies ready and set the first week, I blinked, and a week had passed. I decided to go on ahead and do as many as I could... and then another week had passed. I'm gonna tough it out with this square, see if the physical copy card idea helps out.

And then there's the Magazine square, which I may be most bummed about. I was all set and ready to do that one this month, like really hyped up and ready. I looked into a bunch of calls for submissions and mindfully whittled down my options, I was on a roll for writing every single day, I knew what I wanted to do... I'm. Still actually not sure where I messed up, honestly. I'm not sure what to change. Put my faith in the physical copy for this one too? I dunno.

... Hm. Well. Onto this month's successes, yes?

Write Every Day )

Work on Big Thing )

Practice Coding )

Read Comics )

Work on Vampire Thing )

Finish Requests )

Three Squares in a Week )

Work on WIPs )

Watch Stuff )

Budget Book Binding )

Write a New Ship )

Read a Book )

So, that's it for this month! See you all with a new card tomorrow!
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One of my favorite childhood shows was a ridiculous sci-fi action series called Biker Mice from Mars. It's... pretty much what it says. Muscle-bound anthropomorphic mice on motorcycles escape from their war-ravaged home planet, Mars, and end up on Earth (in Chicago, which probably has a lot to do with my affection for the show now that I think about it, haha). There, they make friends with a long-suffering mechanic, set themselves up in a baseball score board and battle the evil forces of the Plutarkian Laurence Limburger, one of the race of fishpeople who manipulated and destroyed Mars.

Less than half of the show has been released on DVD or even VHS; basically the entire third season may as well be lost at this point. This is already something that's been lowkey upsetting me for years. I. Do not like lost things. The thought that years of people's lives and livelihoods may as well be altogether gone makes me shudder. I know that's sort of an extreme and not entirely accurate way of looking at it, but it's how it hits me every single time.

Anyway, as if that wasn't enough, I found out recently there's been a petition circulating for months to get the full series released on DVD before the masters, y'know, completely deteriorate. It has less than a hundred signatures, which is its already low goal. In short, odds aren't looking too good for a DVD set happening any time soon. Or at all. And the knowledge that someone tried to make this happen and it was a dud makes it feel so much worse. Just typing this is flirting with a stress headache, heh.

Literally thousands of people donated in the hopes of getting a Swat Kats revival a couple years ago. There's a petition right now with over a thousand signatures to get Netflix to pick it up as an original series. I donated to the initial campaign, I signed the petition, but it manages to make me feel even worse. If Swat Kats can pull in numbers, why can't Biker Mice? If Swat Kats can raise money from thousands, why can't Biker Mice get a hundred signatures? I always thought the fandoms had a pretty big overlap (furry sci-fi action cartoons with a good dose of comedy, how can there not be overlap) so... where is everyone?

I dunno, this is hardly the biggest thing dragging me down these days, but it has the strongest grip at the moment. I guess this is in part due to the need for validation that I've never been completely able to shake, and which punches me in the face every so often. Some primitive part of my brain is reading this lack of apparent interest in a show I loved and still adore as a personal slight, I think. Ah, well.
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If there's one thing worse than fandom getting your favorite characters Wrong, it's the company behind the canon getting your favorite characters Wrong.
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Charlie Chaplin came to regret making The Great Dictator and I understand his reasons. But this speech remains a powerful, poignant moment; there's so much energy, so much feeling, so much hope. I get chills on every listen.
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Post I made the other day got me wondering: Have any of my creative fandom friends out there produced little, comparatively little or even no content for favorite characters/relationships (not just romantic)? How about for concepts and ideas, maybe headcanons, that you favor? On the flipside, have you produced a lot for characters, relationships, etc that you don't care as much for?
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Man, I was just sitting here and minding my own business when I found myself overwhelmed by the difference in how I ship InoSaku vs how I ship Hermione/Luna. Which doesn't seem, on the surface, like something to be much overwhelmed by. These are very different ships between very different characters who inhabit very different settings, after all. But then it strikes me that they're my top two adversarial f/f ships and the fact that I want and get such very different things out of them quite suddenly fascinates me.

This got longer than it should by rights be )
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I saw the headline "Cubs Visit White House" and I swear I felt my heart shatter. My baseball team welcoming Trump into office? After the joy they'd brought me by breaking their curse last year? I had a tab opened to change my default icon (which I've been meaning to do anyway, tbh) before I'd even pulled the article up.

Only then once the article was pulled up, I saw that they'd actually paid a last-minute visit to the Obamas. Cue the reconstruction of my shattered heart. Baseball teams don't usually visit the White House at this time of year, but I guess President Obama moved up their slot so that they would visit before he left. I was a little surprised since he's South Side (*spits*), but it turns out that Michelle backs the correct Chicago baseball team, which I suppose explains it, haha! Anyway, I guess I'll be holding onto this default for just a little while longer, as an expression of my relief.

Current theory on the Cubs' historic World Series win: The universe tied itself in knots to give them the chance to visit Michelle in the White House. No wonder the game went on for so long.

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(Image: A personalized to-do list bingo card, unmarked)

I really wanted to have my post for last month finished before posting the new card, but I'm still having issues. Not even computer issues, per se, program and "what is the deal with this stupid website right now" issues, heh. If anyone is burning up with curiosity, I got the bottom row and a few stray squares.

Tbh, I debated not doing the cards again this year, since I kinda fizzled out in the last few months. But, ultimately, I do enjoy them and I've gotten a lot done that I think I'd otherwise still be procrastinating on, so, here we are again! Here's hoping that new year magic will give me a boost and that it'll take me all the way into the next one :D
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Oh, before I forget, I was gonna post my bongo card buuut guess who's having computer trouble :D

I'll update this post tomorrow.
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Wow, okay, uh. I was gone for kind of a while there, huh? Oops... Real life has been an assorted bag of stress lately, is my excuse. I think I might make "post more often" one of my resolutions; now that I'm sitting and doing it, I realize how much I've missed it.

So, in that vein, who's looking forward to the new year? Who's dreading it? Who's partying and who's having a quiet night in? Anybody have any fun traditions? How about resolutions?

Me, I'm hanging out in the living room with my mom and the cats, chowing down on snacks and watching the clock. I've got on red underwear for luck in the coming year and, boy, am I expecting to need it. For all that this year has been crap, I'm thirty-two flavors of nervous for the next one. We still need to find a dark-haired man to walk through our door tomorrow, too, also for luck in the coming year. Gotta be honest, I'd forgotten about resolutions until this post, haha. I'll figure something out before midnight, I'm sure.

Talk to me, guys, I've missed you ;;

(Also, I'm gonna check all those messages in my inbox soon. I'm so sorry orz)
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Wanted to get this up tonight, but I am feeling nasty sick, so no run-downs on the squares. Will edit tomorrow, possibly.

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You guys. I'm twenty-eight today, you guys. How did this happen??


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